Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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