I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
