If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
