My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
