Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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