Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
