When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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