Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
