He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
