My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
