sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Boobs speak an international language.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
