Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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