just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
