I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
