That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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