Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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