Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
