How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
