im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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