i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
