Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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