Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
