and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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