i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
