why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
