oh god the rape fog is back!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
