Im at strip club and am horny
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
