I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
