I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
