Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
