Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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