Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
