Barsexuality is the new black.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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