Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
