I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
