just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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