I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
