Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
