who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
