I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
