it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
