Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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