Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
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I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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