so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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