Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
