If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
