We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
