Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
