I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it was like eating out sand paper
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize