Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
