In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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