I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
