Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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