Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
