Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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