"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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