my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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