WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
