Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
