I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
