What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
where am i from again
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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