I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
