Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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