Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
